Till some days ago, the sahibs were not yet able to establish their dominance firmly in this land. At that time, they did not have complete knowledge about the goods and materials of this country. During that period, there was a magistrate who had a large beard and mustache. Back then, it was not the common practice for the sahibs in this land to completely shave their beards and mustaches.
The sahib once received a kāṁṭhāla (jackfruit) as a gift. He asked his orderly about it and learned that it was an edible fruit and that it had to be broken open to be eaten. Since the sahib was unfamiliar with this fruit, he kept it in his private chamber, instructing his orderly to leave it there. Later, at an opportune moment, without informing anyone, he locked the door and set about making use of the jackfruit. Breaking it open, he discarded the pulp and put the rough outer peel into his mouth, expecting to find something edible. However, upon encountering the sweet juice, he began sucking on it with great delight. But soon, he realized that the sticky latex of the fruit had become entangled in his big beard and mustache, causing him an extreme inconvenience. At that point, he could no longer keep the matter a secret. He called his orderly, and furiously scolded and shouted at him as if that fellow wanted to ridicule the sahib by putting him in trouble.
That fellow acted as if he had put the sahib in trouble. The poor orderly was terrified. The sahib was about to beat him mercilessly. The poor fellow spoke in a shaky voice, "Huzoor, kindly hear what I have to say. If you find my mistake then do whatever pleases you." After the sahib had cooled down a little, that orderly started speaking, "Huzoor, there is a different way to eat this fruit. What you were eating should actually be thrown away. But the soft flesh inside, which looks like an egg, that is what is actually meant to be eaten. This is not the servant's fault in the slightest, huzoor. Still, you are the one who protects me and you are the one who can punish me. So, huzoor, do as you please."
Sahib, realizing his own foolishness, gave an order in a serious tone, "Call the barber. Be careful, and make sure he is also careful. No one else should hear about this matter." Saying "Jo hukuma" (As you command), the orderly promptly called the barber. The barber then shaved off Sahib's mustache and beard.
The next day, when people saw the mustache-shaven Sahib in court, many started looking at each other in surprise. However, the Sahib remained focused on the proceedings. The witnesses were giving their testimonies. Later, when a perjurer (a professional false witness) appeared before him, the Sahib smiled and said, "Yes, yes, I understand everything. You people have been taking kāṭhāra (jackfruit), haven't you?" The perjurer had come to give false testimony, but hearing that the Sahib had understood everything, he was dumbfounded and began trembling. The Sahib then ordered that the perjurer be taken to his chamber during the lunch break. As a result, his testimony was not taken at all.
The Sahib called the perjurer again and repeated the same words. The perjurer began to weep out of fear. The Sahib consoled him, saying, "What is the fault in that? Why are you fearful? I also took kāṭhāra just like you, you also took kāṭhāra, shaved your beard, and trimmed your mustache. In your country, kāṭhāra is not a good food item, it is extremely troublesome. But in our country, there is no item that is difficult to take. You should never have kāṭhāra again." Saying this, the Sahib, feeling greatly amused upon realizing that just like himself, a local man had also eaten jackfruit and, due to the consequences, had to shave off his beard, became extremely delighted. Out of joy, he gave the perjurer a reward of five rupees. The perjurer could neither decide whether to laugh or cry, but before he could make up his mind, the attendants took him outside, and together with four others, they divided the five rupees among themselves as a reward, thereby relieving him of his burden.
The brāhmaṇa (perjurer), gasping for breath and trembling, ran back home and said to his wife, "The magistrate Sahib called me a false witness and gave me five rupees to buy a kāṭārī (dagger) in order to take the dagger — that is, to suffer a dagger’s blow. And those doormen took the money and went to buy the dagger. Somehow, I got an opportunity and managed to escape. If you want to see me alive, disguise me well, lock me up inside the house, and hide me away. Otherwise, my head will be gone!" [Note: the perjurer totally misunderstood what the magistrate said. The word kāṭhāra (i.e. kāṁṭhāla or jackfruit, but spoken in British accent) is similar to kāṭārī or dagger. The perjurer thought that since the magistrate said that he knew everything, thus the magistrate must be talking about taking the dagger, and not the otherwise common jackfruit.]
Even today, we can see thoughtful individuals like that Englishman. Some time ago, the devotees of the Śrī Viśva-Vaiṣṇava Rāja Sabhā, under the guidance of their revered ācārya, went near Kuṣṭiyā to propagate the pure devotional dharma. As part of their preaching efforts, they traveled from place to place, instructing people on the chanting of the pure holy name. At that time, a man dressed as a Vaiṣṇava approached Prabhupāda (Śrīla Prabhupāda Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura). Having heard that a foremost devotee, an exalted jewel among bhaktas, had arrived, he considered him (i.e. Prabhupāda) to be a connoisseur of parakīya rasa. Certainly, up to this point, his understanding was correct. However, he firmly believed that just as he himself indulged in gross material parakīya rasa (illicit extramarital affairs), the foremost devotee, acclaimed as the best of bhaktas, must indeed not be missing such enjoyment.
Alas, such ignorance! Alas, such heresy! Seeing the Lord’s devotees engaged in philosophical discussions, he remarked, “You people have not yet discovered the real thing. I will converse privately with your guru and relish rasa.” He had no inclination towards philosophical discourse. Dismissing and ignoring everyone present, he said, “Gentlemen, you are still very late in understanding.” Eventually, in the midst of debate, the man declared, “How can someone who has never tasted parakīya rasa in this world — meaning, how can someone who has never engaged in illicit relations — ever understand the pastimes of Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa? No matter how much one tries to conceal it, unless one has relished parakīya rasa through this body, one cannot become a great devotee. You all do not recognize your own guru. Seeing that you are still caught up with your logic and argument, he has not yet bestowed upon you the devotional practice of rasa. Are you saying ‘no’? Do you think I do not hear you? If there is no relish of this rasa, then why would anyone take to Vaiṣṇava dharma? The dharma of Gaurāṅga is the natural dharma — there is no need for logic or argument in it. Its practice consists of ‘māgura māchera jhola, bhoya yuvatīra —’ (fish curry and the company of young women). Alas! Alas! If one does not understand this rasika practice of our Gauracāṁda, then why would anyone be attracted to Vaiṣṇavism? In that case, wouldn’t the Śākta dharma of the pañca-ma-kāra practice [five ‘m’s of śākta tantra worship i.e. madya (alcohol), māṁsa (meat), matsya (fish), mudrā (grain/money), and maithuna (sexual intercourse)] be better? Let me have a little privacy with your guru; I will show you just how much he relishes parakīya rasa. Do you even know? Can Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa bhajana ever be practiced without women?”
Hearing all these heretical statements from that man, the devotees covered their ears with their hands, and at the indication of Śrī Śrī Prabhupāda, they led him aside and tried to explain to him the actual truth — the reality that transcends the inert material world and the realm of material nature, the truth about the transcendental, pure parakīya rasa that exists beyond this material world. But he simply would not understand i.e. How could it be possible to relish the rasa of Kṛṣṇa’s divine pastimes without engaging in illicit relations with others’ wives in this world? This was precisely the mindset of the magistrate with the jackfruit — just like when perjurer shaved off his mustache, he must have surely eaten jackfruit like the magistrate and created a mess, otherwise why would he remove his cherished mustache? What a remarkable way of thinking! When I eat fish and engage in illicit activities, considering them to be bhajana of Hari and practicing them accordingly, then surely, the greater a devotee one is, the more deeply he must be engaged in such wicked behavior.
Alas, alas! In their attempt to relish the rasa of Kṛṣṇa-līlā in this manner, countless individuals have fallen into heresy by relying solely on their own glasses (vision/perspective), and in turn, they have led others down the path of heresy as well — there is no measure to this misfortune. The Śrī Viśva Vaiṣṇava Rāja Sabhā has taken a solemn vow to uproot all such immoral behavior and false doctrines so that these deceitful heretics, through their corrupt conduct, do not mislead the innocent and simple-minded people onto the wrong path. To this end, the sabhā is tirelessly engaged in spreading, by various means, the pure and pristine ātma-dharma (function of the self) as enunciated by Śrī Śrī Mahāprabhu, reaching every doorstep. All individuals of noble character in the world are assisting them in this mission and will continue to do so. Only those of corrupt conduct fail to grasp the essence of their preaching.
